Persuasive essay

Just need some critiquing. It's due on Friday, so it'll be locked by then. And since you're a vegetarian, you can help me plentiful, Iris.

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Can you imagine having to live like a slave, crowded up in a small shed to sleep and live? Can you imagine somebody overstuffing you with food? Can you imagine a miserable life, wanting a nice death but get tortured instead? Can you imagine being hung on a machine by the leg, your jugular being cut and being burned and skinned and live through it all? That is how factory farm animals live; no space to thrive and no mercy given. The ways animals are treated for our needs are cruel. I believe it is wrong to kill and slaughter animals for our own necessities, but I also think that it is necessary for the world.

Killing animals is horrible and unjust. It is cruel the way they are slaughtered, even the fact that they are slaughtered at all. They use painful machines, hormones to make animals grow bigger and reproduce faster, and they don’t even tend to the animals when they are sick. Sometimes when the animals are sick, they can pass on the sickness to the consumers. The effect on the environment is also big. It takes nearly twenty times more land to raise food for a meat eater for one year than to raise food for a vegetarian for one year. Animals are always confined to one space in factory farms, which is a farm that operates as a factory. The ways the young animals are born, raised, and slaughtered seem to have not one bit of mercy. They are given hormones for them to grow fat, they are raised in a confinement, and they are slaughtered in cruel ways that could still leave the animal alive.

Though on the other hand, there may be some good points in animal slaughter. We must slaughter chicken, pig, cattle, and other animals; else we’d have a world of more hog than human. The world needs to be of balance. Sometimes we must find out a new disease to prevent it from ever infecting our systems, or to help us prevent new illness. Of course animals need more respect, but it is human necessity to have protein. They affect our health and environment. I feel it is necessary to slaughter, just not as cruelly as we do.

Honestly, I myself think that animal slaughter is good for the world’s balance, just not how it is done in present time. I believe it is wrong killing animals, for animals are living beings and often we slaughter for the sake of only meat and not putting the whole animal to use. I think it is necessary, despite the fact that it may be horrid. I’m not saying we should all be vegetarian, or eating meat is perfectly fine, but I think if we put more consideration into our animals, then the environment will improve, most cruelty will cease, and ourselves will be healthier.

I can't really help you, since I knew all this info before, so I mean, I was already persuaded to all of this, but still, I can try.

Hmm, 'ourselves will be healthier' didn't sound grammatically correct. Maybe you meant 'we, ourselves, will be healthier' or something. :-/

It's a great essay as is, and so probably the only errors in it would be grammatical (since I don't see any spelling errors.) Definitely persuasive.

I'm sorry I'm not helping very much, but I asked my friends and they can't see any problems with it either.

Lol you were never good at critiquing, were you? XD

Thanks for the info anyway. Everybody said it was pretty good. Locked. ;]