Even More LA Homework Help - and it's not warm ups :O

Mmk. Can you help me proofread my persuasive letter? (Yes, Amy, I know the letter's sent to you, but we could choose anyone who didn't read the book, so I chose you.)

Persuasive Essay
Dear Amy,
++++Have you ever wanted to use magic? Have you ever wanted to be able to do anything? Well, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is just that - about Harry finding out he can do anything! It’s such an interesting story, it will keep you glued to the book for a long time. You won’t be able to stop reading. You’ll constantly want to know what happens next. I like Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone because it has interesting parts, intriguing characters, and it’s part of a great series.
++++The first reason I like Harry Potter is because it’s such an interesting story, and has such interesting parts. One great part is when Harry finds out he’s a wizard. He’s staying in the cabin in the middle of the ocean, when suddenly a giant named Hagrid knocks on his door, and knocks it down. He tells Harry he’s a wizard, and expects him to know what Hogwarts is. When Harry says he doesn’t know, Hagrid becomes furious and yells at the Dursleys (the family that Harry is staying with) for not telling him about Hogwarts, and gives Dudley (Harry’s cousin) a pig’s tail. Another good part is when Harry is learning about magic in Hogwarts. I like this part, and I can relate to it because I’ve always wanted to do magic. However, my favorite part in the book is when Harry tries to retrieve the Sorcerer’s stone. I like this part because it has so much suspense, and it makes you want to keep reading to find out more.
++++I also like Harry Potter because it has intriguing characters. The characters all are different from one another, and they all have weaknesses and flaws, so none of them are perfect. The main character is Harry, a modest person with messy hair who’s good at Quidditch (a sport often played in the wizarding world.) He is always trying to ‘be the hero’, and is always trying to save people. Another great character is Ron, Harry’s best friend. Ron is sort of weird, and is sort of weird and out of it. He has many brothers, and he wants to be better than them all, since he’s the youngest brother in the family (even though he has a sister younger than him.) Then there’s Hermione, the know-it-all. She gets practically everything right on every test, and has all the textbooks memorized. She’s the best in the year, and she’s born to two ‘Muggle’ (non-magical) parents.
++++The final reason why I like Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is it’s the first of an awesome series of great books. The book after the Sorcerer’s Stone is called the Chamber of Secrets, and it’s about kids getting attacked in school, and Harry hearing mysterious voices that only he can hear. Then there’s the Prisoner of Azkaban, and it’s about Harry’s godfather, an escaped convict from the wizard prison, Azkaban. It has many unexpected twists and turns in the plot. My favorite book in the series is Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I love this book because it’s so interesting. It’s an unpredictable book, and there are so many things you don’t expect. You may think Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is a book for children, however once you read it, you’ll find that you get so immersed in the book that you don’t even think about it.
++++In conclusion, I like Harry Potter because it has interesting parts, great characters, and it’s part of an awesome series. Next time you’re trying to figure out what book to read, read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

Hah, lol. Writing a letter to me and then asking me to proofread it before you send it. xD

I think it pretty good, but it didn't really want to make me read Harry potter. You mention magic, great characters, and all that, but you should include part of the plot and leave it at a cliffhanger.

See, if I were to make you read the book "The Giver", I'd say to you "What do you think living in a Utopia is like? Without any pain, without any colors, without diversity? That's what young Jonas felt, and when he became the one chosen to learn the truth about the real world, he is shocked at the horrible "paradise" he lives in. Jonas learns this and does his best to show the truth to his country, but will they believe him?"

That's just a little example I made up. xD

I really like that first paragraph, but the rest doesn't really draw me in.

Why should I read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's stone? Yes it involves magic and all, but it doesn't seem all that exciting. It has sports, magic and big giant that turns a person into a pig. What do they do?

And if it wasn't for me, who would you recommend it to? A person who likes magic and fantasy? Mystery? Adventure?

I'm not much of a help here, but I'm not persuaded by your persuasive essay. T'is all I can say, but I hope I helped.

The goal wasn't to persuade. It was to follow the teacher's instructions exactly. That's why school is evil. If it was supposed to be a persuasive essay, then it would've been a lot more persuasive. But the current schooling system is based on getting kids to be obedient, not for them to learn. [/rant]

Well, all in all, no one was able to help me, because everyone's essay was practically exactly the same as mine. :-/ So honestly, it doesn't matter. Ah well. Locked.